I'm trying to be a role model. Hey kids, hey folks, when you're my age you can still be doing all kinds of things. You can aspire to develop new skills and abilities. Just like me.
But as I say here I'm trying to seem to be doing more than I am to actually doing. When the going gets tough the tough get a new idea on how to make the going easier. And if they can't--look, a squirrel!
I got up this morning at around 6AM. The easy thing would be to stay in bed. So I got up to write. The easy thing would have been to go to the next room to write, so I walked to Starbucks.
As I got ready to leave and walked there I realized that I was avoiding things that I deeply believe would be good for me, but don't do because they're uncomfortable First up: a nice cold shower. I've seen videos and read stuff that says it's good for you. I've edged up on taking cold showers myself and know they're at least cognitively beneficial. There's nothing quite like a cold-as-I-can-take-it shower to wake my sleepy brain. As I stood in the bathroom, changing out of my pajamas, I thought how jumping into a cold shower--even for seconds--would be good for me. And I don't do it. Because--fuck! Because it's a cold shower, is why.
Degree of confidence that it's good for me, mentally: 99%. Degree of confidence that it's good for me physically: 90%. Degree of confidence that I'll feel good as a result. 99%. Degree of confidence that I'll be proud of myself for doing it: 99%.
Degree of confidence that it's going to be fucking cold: 100%.
That settled it. No cold shower. Maybe tomorrow.
As I walked from D&D's place to Starbucks for my morning scribble I passed a gym. Lots of young people and even a few oldsters up at 6AM getting their bodies in shape. Yay! Yes, there was a time when I ran. It was good for me. It was also uncomfortable, and I did it anyway. I remember a few times when I ran into and through pain (good pain, not bad pain.) I remember that I reveled that I could do it. The more it hurt, the better I felt. My knees can't take running, but there are other things that I could do to get myself in better shape. I am certain they would be good for me. But I'm also certain that they would be uncomfortable. So no. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not ready for cold showers or vigorous workouts right now. But I am ready to face this fact: if I'm committed to being committed and not just seeming to be committed, then I've got to do those things. And others like them.
I've got to post stuff that's hard to post. Writing a blog post like this one is easy. Posting it is hard, which is why I have so many unpublished drafts.
Posting it to G+ is uncomfortable. So is posting anything else on G+. Posting anything on Facebook, even more uncomfortable. I don't like Facebook, but that's not why I don't don't post there. It's discomfort. It's not easy. Avoid,
So this morning, before finishing this, I posted something to G+. And I posted it to Facebook. And when I'm done with this I'll post it to both places. Not because what I have to say is that good. It's OK. Not great. But posting it makes me uncomfortable. It's not easy. And I've got to stop stopping just because things are not easy.