Boston Hotel Evaluation (Redux)

Note: a recent G+ post by one of the reviewed Hoteliers sent me back to LiveJournal where I found, and updated this post. Including Wingdings. Yay.

Boston Hotel Evaluation

In order to keep our readers fully apprised of the relative merits of hotels in the Boston Hotel scene, we decided to travel to Boston to see how some of our favorite hotels were doing and to update our report. 

OK. That’s not exactly accurate. More exactly, we found ourselves stranded in Boston without a hotel. So we had to check out the hotels, like it or not. And then we found ourselves with two hours to spare when our flight was canceled, so we decided to write this report. 

And to be perfectly candid, we felt pompous and important doing it, so we decided to refer to ourselves as ‘we’ and ‘us.’ Sounds so much better than ‘I’ and ‘me,’ don’t you think?

I do.

The Boston Airport Hilton Hotel

One of the finest hotels in the Boston area, the Boston Airport Hilton Hotel did not have a room for us at 11:30 at night when we called.

Rating: Accommodations: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Food: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Courtesy: ⚐︎ (not sure what this symbol means). Overall rating: ☠︎

The Boston Airport Embassy Suites Hotel

Rivaling the Boston Airport Hilton Hotel for not having a room for us at 11:30 at night when we called, the Boston Airport Embassy Suites Hotel also sucks.

Rating: Accommodations: 👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎ Food: 👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎ Courtesy: ☹︎ (They were nice, but fuck ‘em. They don’t deserve a good rating. Overall rating: 💣︎

The Boston Airport Homeless Shelter and Fleabag Hotel

This hotel actually does not exist, but if it did, they probably wouldn’t have rooms for us either, the malicious uncharitable bastards.

Rating: Accommodations:  Food: 👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎ Courtesy: 👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎ Overall rating: ☠︎☠︎☠︎☠︎☠︎☠︎☠︎☠︎☠︎☠︎

The Hotel LyssaKon

The Hotel LyssaKon is the new upgraded version of the Hotel Beaner. Under new management, the Hotel has been extensively remodeled, primarily due to being in an entirely different building, but also due to having been extensively remodeled. 

The Hotel AlyssaKon appears much, much larger than the Beaner, partially due to a brighter color palette and partly due to better use of space and mainly due to its larger size. If possible, one should make a point of staying in the Penthouse Suite on the third floor, with its newly renovated window. Unfortunately, the Hotel AlyssaKon’s switchboard shuts down sometime before 11:30, so we don’t know if they had a room for us at 11:30 at night when we called. Probably they didn’t. 

But maybe they did. Who knows? While their switchboard kept me from staying there, my earlier visit was excellent in every respect.

Rating: Switchboard: 👎︎👎︎👎︎👎︎ Accommodations: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Food: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Courtesy: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Over-all rating: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎

The Hotel MiraJohn

The Hotel MiraJohn is located 527 miles from Logan airport when you are tired, and 46 miles when you are not. Their personalized door-to-door airport shuttle service makes the trip to Logan in 12.5 minutes at 5:00 in the morning at 120 miles an hour, but the trip from Logan may be longer as it is all uphill. 

I was tired; the MiraJohn was 527 miles away, uphill; I didn’t believe the new wormhole technology was operational so I didn’t even check the switchboard. However, my last visit to the MiraJohn showed it to be one of the best hotels in the suburban Boston area. It just needs to move closer when I’m tired.

Rating: Distance from airport: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Speed driving: ☺︎☺︎☺︎ Accommodations: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Food: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Courtesy: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Overall rating: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎

The Hotel Dayo

The 24-hour switchboard at the Hotel Dayo told me that they had no rooms left, but unlike the Hilton and Embassy Suites, the Hotel Dayo never leaves a traveler stranded. They offered me a futon in the hotel, something that the Hilton—with its much larger lobby—could easily have done. And they didn’t charge a premium. Of course, I accepted. 

I rented a Volvo from Hertz which was handily equipped with a Never-Lost GPS system which kept me from getting lost when a police cruiser blocked the second section of the Ted Williams Tunnel and sent me on a tour of the surface streets of god-knows-where in Boston circling and circling and twisting and turning, but never quite lost until I finally ended up on the Mass Pike.

On the way to the Dayo I stopped at their highly recommended “Restaurant Store 24” for an excellent midnight dinner: their signature Krispy Kreme chocolate glazed cream filled donuts served with a bottle of Sobe Liz Bliz. Replete, I continued to the hotel. My accommodations were everything that the Hilton and Embassy Suites had failed to provide. Namely, they existed.

Rating: Accommodations: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Food: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Courtesy: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎ Overall rating: ☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎☺︎

Summary (or as we say, these days TL;DR): The Hilton sucks. The Embassy Suites sucks. The MiraJohn, AlyssaKon and the Dayo all rock.

Update: Since this review was written, the Hotel Dayo moved to Boston, then, following a management change, the beautiful Hotel DandD (also known as DW² has opened in San Francisco. I've been there. It rocks.