The Mind Illuminated, which I wrote about here, describes dullness as one of the phenomena a meditator needs to address.
Dullness: A lack of mental energy. There are differing degrees of dullness—from deep sleep or unconsciousness, through strong dullness such as drowsiness, to subtler forms of dullness such as feeling a bit “spaced out.” Dullness is a form of scattered attention. But unlike distractions, where attention “scatters” to other objects of awareness, dullness scatters attention from the breath to a void in which nothing is perceived at all.
My dullness
I hate the feeling of dullness.
As I started writing this morning, dullness began to rise in consciousness.
I hate dullness. Hate it.
Or I might have hated it if I had not been feeling so dull.
Instead, I disliked it in a vapid sort of way.
Severe pain is worse than dullness. Dullness can be a solution to otherwise unbearable pain.
But I’d rather experience mild pain for a long time to dullness for a short time.
Dullness is the slow death of consciousness.
Dullness and duality
To the dual mind, dullness is “bad.” Clarity or alertness, or whatever is opposite, is “good.”
To the non-dual mind, dullness is an experience. Clarity is an experience. Neither is good or bad. They just are.
To the dual mind, a person can either experience dullness or clarity.
To the non-dual mind, one can be dull and clear at the same time.
Dullness revealed
This morning I was writing about my aspirations.
I wrote that I aspired to know all that I could know. I wrote that I aspired to experience all that I could experience.
As I wrote, I became aware of my mind’s dullness.
As I continued to write, I became aware of the dullness growing.
Initially, I experienced what The Mind Illuminated might describe as “subtle dullness.”
Subtle dullness began to grow into what TMI might describe as “strong dullness.”
Making dullness disappear
As I became aware of the growing dullness, I thought: I’d like that dullness to disappear.
Then I thought: dullness is a part of existence.
I wrote that I aspire to experience whatever I can. So I’m willing to continue to experience dullness.
I was willing to experience dullness, I thought, but I was not willing to have that dullness keep me from writing.
I was willing to experience dullness, as long as it didn’t get in my way. The dullness could arise, as long as it was not obstructive.
I was willing to experience dullness—but only conditionally.
But what dullness is obstructive by its nature?
Non-dual dullness
Now we’re back to non-duality.
Can I be obstructed and not-obstructed at the same time? There’s a view of the world that says: no. It’s either, or.
That’s the answer from duality. But is that the final word? Can both be true?
Can I write with dullness as well as I could write without dullness?
Writing does not require dullness or clarity. It merely requires writing. Fingers tap, and words arise. Words connect, and sentences arise.
This writing is ample proof that dullness is no obstacle to writing.
It’s arising right now (or it did as I originally wrote it) alongside strong dullness. The writing arose with dullness just as it arose with clarity.
The words simply appeared.
These words arose:
I’m aware of the dullness, and aware that part of my mind is devoted to resisting it. The dullness has not prevented me from writing this.
It’s always sunny
One lesson I learned flying in airplanes for work: it’s never sunny or cloudy. It’s always sunny. Sometimes it’s sunny without clouds. Other times it’s sunny with clouds.
Cloudiness is a kind of illusion that keeps you from seeing that it’s sunny.
You just can’t see that it’s sunny because the clouds are in the way.
Getting rid of dullness
As the dullness arises, so arises an intention that I might articulate as “get rid of the dullness.”
So arises a belief that I might express as “I must stop what I am doing and get rid of the dullness.”
So arises the thought: “This is impossible. I’ve tried to get rid of dullness just by wanting to and failed.
Then arises the idea that I must stop what I am doing and sleep, or take a cold shower, or eat, or go for a walk or do something other than what I am doing because otherwise, the dullness will persist.
Why struggle to get rid of clouds when it’s sunny?
Dullness or not, when I intend the words to appear and allow them to appear, they appear.
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