Kinds of people in the world...

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who read binary, and those who don't.

There are only two kinds of people in this world: Those who require closure

There are only two kinds of people in this world: Those who think there are only two kinds of people in the world, and those who don't.

There are only two kinds of people in this world: Those who finish what they start

This is another post from my catch-up series, explained here. It's May 24th, despite the date on the post.

The first is from from page 33 in Inside Jokes. The second from 301. The next is a recollection. The last is one I invented while writing this post.

Winnie the Pooh

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

They both have the same middle name..*

This, from page 31 in Inside Jokes

This is another post from my catch-up series explained here.

It's may 24th, despite the date on the post.

*And by the way, so does Jack the Ripper.

Two legs and bleeds?

Here's another post from my catch-up series, explained here. It's May 22nd, despite the date on the post.



Q: What has two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog.

From page 31 in Inside Jokes (slightly altered from the original).

Which reminds me of a series of jokes I heard from Kiry Childs.

What has four legs and can't see?
No eye dear.

What has four legs and can't see and can't move?
Still no eye dear.

What ha four legs, can't see, can't move but can have sex.
Still no fucking eye dear.

The Voice of God

Here's another post from my catch-up series, explained here. It's May 19th, despite the date on the post.

This, from page 53 in Inside Jokes (altered from the original).

An atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by an angry-looking group of natives.
"Oh God," he says to himself, "I'm completely screwed."
Suddenly he hears a voice. "Even though you do not believe in me," says the voice, "even though you have used my name in vain, you have called on me, and I tell you that you are not completely screwed."
"Tell me what to do," the explorer says. "Whatever you say, I'll do it."
"Pick up that stone and bash in the head of the chief in front of you," says the voice.
He picks up the stone, and before the natives realize what he's doing, he attacks the chief.
The natives, madder than before, grab him and start to carry him off.
"Okay," says the voice, "now you are completely screwed."

Twenty Questions Joke

Here's another post from my catch-up series, explained here. It's May 19th, despite the date on the post.

This, from page 57 in Inside Jokes (slightly altered from the original).

Two rednecks are standing around.
Bobby Joe: Hey, you wanna play twenty questions?

Billy Bob: Sure.

Bobby Joe: OK, think of something and I'll try to guess it. Ready?

Billy Bob: Yeah.

Bobby Joe: Is it a thing?

Billy Bob: Yeah.

Bobby Joe: Can you fuck it?

Billy Bob: Yeah.

Bobby Joe: Is it a goat?

Billy Bob: Yeah.

There's always room for variation. How about:

Two philosophers are at a conference.

Philosopher 1: Would you like to play twenty questions?

Philosopher 2: Alright.

Philosopher 1: I'm thinking of something. Guess what it is.

Philosopher 2: Is it a material object, as opposed to a mental construct?

Philosopher 1: Yes.

Philosopher 2: Could someone fuck it?

Philosopher 1: Yes.

Philosopher 1: Is it Immanuel Kant?

Philosopher 2: Yes.