Metta and dealing with annoying people

Lovingkindness is the goal of metta meditation., sometimes called lovingkindness meditation.

I’ve been doing it for a while as part of the Waking Up Course, and I’m surprised to discover that I have not written about it before. So let me remedy that.

If you want some background on metta, you can check out the link above or read Thich Nhat Hanh Lovingkindness Instructions or
Meditation On Lovingkindness - Jack Kornfield. They all do it pretty much the same way.

Or Sam Harris does differently. They recommend you start by showing loving kindness to yourself. Sam Harris recommends you start with someone with whom you have an “uncomplicated relationship.” I think he’s right to start there. Our relationships with ourselves can be complicated.

So instead of starting with yourself pick someone easy.

Then, having that person clearly in mind, you project intentions like this toward them:

May you be happy. May you be free from suffering. May your dreams be fulfilled.

And stuff like that.

He recommends that you picture them and picture them in a state of happiness. And then become aware of the fact that you really wish them well.

When I do the exercise, I start with my grandkids, because my relationship with them is as uncomplicated as it can be. They’re kids. They’re starting in life. How could I not wish them well?

Then I move to my kids, and Bobbi and then to other people who I care about.

I always end up wishing Donald Trump well. I don’t do it because I like him, but because I don’t.

Metta is good for the world to the degree one’s silent intentions have any effect—probably not at all; but it is good for the mediator—and that is good for the world.

Today Sam Harris specifically suggested that we choose someone who is annoying.

My mind went immediately to a person who lives in my town. I think he is probably the only person in town and possibly in the world who annoys me, which is ridiculous. He’s never done me any real harm.

But he’d annoyed me for years. I’d see him around town and get annoyed. I could say why I found him annoying, but any reasons I gave were inadequate to explain the degree of animus I felt for him.

So I picked him.

And I wished him well.

And tears gushed forth. WTF?

How much energy must have been bound up in wishing him ill for that to happen?

But I wished him well, and I felt freer for it.

Perhaps there are other people toward whom I hold such malign feelings. If so, I want to purge them as well.

If I can wish Donald Trump well, then I can wish anyone well.

And you, future self, or friend, or random stranger reading this:

May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. May you be peaceful and at ease.
May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. May you be peaceful and at ease.

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