You can make things worse--or better

This morning I listened to a talk by Jordan Peterson that inspired me to write this post. I’ve linked to the video and downloaded the audio to produce a full transcript. (I’m also going to write a blog post on how I did that).

In the video, he talks about things that he’s learned visiting over 160 cities and talking to more than 300,000 people.

It’s worth listening to most of all because of the way he delivers his summation.

You can make things worse. Everyone knows that. And no doubt you have, in many ways. But you can make things better, and they actually get better.

And there’s reason for hope. And there’s something to be said to know that you’re the sort of creature that can look mortality and catastrophe and malevolence straight in the eye, so to speak, and nonetheless, stand up and do what’s right.

And that all there is in that is good.

And that’s what I’ve been telling people.

His words on this page are dead. They don’t carry the force of his living word, more closely approximated in the video as he speaks them. It’s worth listening to the entire 17 minutes and listen to him develop his narrative and build to his conclusion.

Edit: but if you don’t have patience, here’s an excerpt:

What’s good for you and what’s good for more than you

He also says this:

You should do what’s good for you. But it has to be what’s good for your family at the same time, and it has to be what’s good for you and your family and your community at the same time.

…when you’re in that place where you’re acting in the proper manner, and you’re facing things courageously, and you’re speaking the truth, you’re imbued with a sense of fundamental meaning.

And that meaning is the antidote to the catastrophe of life.

Every day we’re presented with opportunities to choose between what’s good for us and what’s good for others. Peterson claims that we can—and have a duty to—transcend the selfishness of doing what’s good for only ourselves (or worse, what we want to do, even when it’s not good for us) and subordinating ourselves to only what’s good for other people.

And you can say, well, maybe, if you put yourself together enough, carefully enough, spoke the truth enough, were courageous enough, in spite of the reasons you have not to be that you could also be someone of benefit to yourself and your family and your community, and you partake in structuring things in a harmonious manner.

It’s finding a harmonious manner that’s the goal.

Making it better or making it worse

In every moment I can make the world a little bit better or a little bit worse or do nothing and let the world take whatever course it takes.

The thing that I am most able to make better—to make the world better—is me.

There’s danger here.

The trap of perfectionism is always present. I can always add to the catastrophe of life by punishing myself for what I consider my failings and shortcomings. I can make the world a little worse by punishing myself.

So can you.

Certainly, I’ve done that. And I may have demanded more of others than they were capable of giving, There’s a fine line between perfectionism—which a toxic, poisonous attitude—and this:

…you hope that the person can manifest what’s best in them. And if they don’t do that, then you’re disappointed in them just like you would be in inexorably or are inexorably disappointed in yourself if you don’t manifest what’s best in you.

It’s not that one ought to be disappointed when someone does not manifest the best in them, it’s that we are disappointed. The statement is descriptive rather than normative one.

The maps of meaning of disappointment

The fact of disappointment—with self or others—is not the problem. Instead, it’s the meaning of that disappointment.

When disappointment means that a person is a failure, hopeless, or deserving punishment, disappointment leads to a worse world.

But it can mean other things.

I can map disappointment to meanings that are hopeful and empowering.

I can map disappointment to mean the belief that there’s potential that could be realized. It’s a statement that someone is not manifesting their best and that I believe they are capable of more. And I hope that they can realize the potential I believe that they have.

I can map disappointment to mean: I have not given up.

So can you.

You have your friends and your family, but they expect something from you to you know, they expect the best from you, they expect a certain amount of improvement, especially if you have children.

If you are a friend or a member of my family, I expect the best from you.

But even if you are a child, you might expect some improvement from your parents as well.

And if you are one of my kids, I want you to expect that from me.

Accepting disappointment

Rather than resisting disappointment from and for myself and others, I accept it.

If I do not manifest the best I am capable of—or at least am not working diligently to attain my best—I will accept my disappointment and the disappointment of my friends and my family.

I accept it, not as a punishment, but as a token of faith in my potential.

And if my friends and my family are not working to realize their potential, then I will be disappointed.

I don’t expect success. I may not be able to realize some of my potential. Nor can you. But I will be disappointed if I am not at least making an effort or asking for help.

And when I think it might help others, after carefully explaining what disappointment means, I will express my disappointment.

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